What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
