Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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