Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
