just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
