She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So vagazzling was a success
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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