remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
