just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
