I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
