I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
