Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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