Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
someone get that fucking seahorse.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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