hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
