she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
