as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
