I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
