I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
