How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
