Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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