On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
