I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
