you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
