I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize