Duck Duck Cougar?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
