everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
