singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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