I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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