margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
