I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
