Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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