We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
