Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize