I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
