you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
