I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
