I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
