OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
