you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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