he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
