Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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