Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
