Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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