***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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