I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
