I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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