please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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