Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
