You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
