I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
