just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
