let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
