drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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