Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
