her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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