tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
