the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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