so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
