My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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