i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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