I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
