I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
