He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize