so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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