Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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