At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
