you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
