I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize