i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
