the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
not ubering you a puppy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
