how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
