The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
