The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
