The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
