question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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