you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
