The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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