I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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