Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i was in the wii world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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