Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
