direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I intend to get homeless drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Houston, we have a blender
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
