I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
