he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
