: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
