you traded sex for a burrito?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
