i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
