Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
did you just send me my own nude
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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