am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize