i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
