Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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